My Speedster

A few days ago, a letter addressed to me arrived in the mail. It said:

A vehicle registered in your name was photographed violating the traffic law or ordinance listed below, or the registered owner of the vehicle has submitted an Affidavit naming you as the operator of the vehicle at the time of the violation. This traffic offense is a civil violation pursuant to Revised Code X.

Unless you file an Affidavit or request a Photo Enforcement Hearing to contest this violation, as instructed on the back of this page, a civil penalty of $85.00 must be paid by the due date shown on this Notice.

Well then. Most of my work keeps me in my home or at the library right up the street, which meant I probably wasn’t the one driving this car registered to me. So I looked at the picture and—

Aha. Yes. I recognized the car. And though a picture of the driver wasn’t available, I knew exactly who was driving. As anyone would do these days, I texted this person. (Please note that I did not fix any grammar errors in the below texts.)

Me: Just got mail from the city. Traffic cam/radar caught you going 47 in a 35 zone. This cannot happen again. 85 dollars.

Perpetrator: When was this?

Me: Saturday, March 26. I was at Scooby Doo. Honestly, you are lucky they did not pull you over. You would have points on your license and increased our insurance. We will chat later about it.

I knew a rebuttal would arrive—this person is a masterful contrarian, and they did not disappoint.

Perpetrator: If it was March 26, then I was at the movies which started at that time.

But I had my own ammunition . . .

Me: No. Maybe the time was wrong. It is Blue in the picture. Unless you let someone borrow the car.

If you’re anyone who lives with anyone of a certain age, you’ll understand that the discussion couldn’t possibly have been over at that point. The reply that arrived made me laugh out loud.

Perpetrator: I guess it could have been a different time but I was sticking to around the same speed as other people driving around me.

And that arsenal was pretty full . . .

Me: Well, there is no one else on the road in this pic (except on the other side of the road). So we will talk later.

Perpetrator: Should I zelle you the 85?

Honestly, I was a little surprised the photographic evidence did the trick because in this house, no one goes down without a tremendous fight. This one seemed a little flimsy, but you know what? I’ll take it. I have too much to do to spend more energy here.

Now, if this person can just bring down the speed a little on the city roads, we’ll all be good.

Image of traveling cars (mostly lights) by flo222 at

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