If I include today, April 25, in the calculation, fifty-one days have passed since I last posted on this blog. I don’t remember the last time so much time elapsed between posts, and while the break was not wholly intentional, at some point, I committed to not posting. (Do I remember when that was? No, I do not. and it probably doesn’t matter much anyway.) Not posting is something I haven’t done since . . . I don’t actually know.

A friend who knew how much I’ve blogged in the past asked if I missed posting. Much to my surprise, I said no. Then I thought about my answer and asked myself questions, trying to dig deeper into the answer.

Was I being truthful?
What made me commit to not posting?
Did I have anything to say?
How did I feel about not being connected to the writing community?
More importantly—maybe the most important—did I have plans to go back?

The first and last questions were easiest to answer: yes, I was being truthful in saying I didn’t miss posting, and maybe I’d go back, but maybe I wouldn’t. Despite being a born planner, one of the most difficult lessons for me to learn was that I can plan all I want, but somehow the universe always has other plans for me.

So I moved to the other questions, which were a little harder to answer. No single event pushed me to commit to not posting; one day simply led into one week, which led to two weeks, and so on. Given enough time, I would have committed to never posting again because I have this love-hate relationship with streaks, and once a streak starts, I hate to break it. (And what does that say about me?)

And what about having something to say? I’ve always said I have too much to say, but lately, everything I want to say revolves around rage and my inability to reconcile the United States of America as the shitshow of a nation it is now. People who are my neighbors applaud ICE, RFK, and JD; community members want their beliefs to apply to everyone but don’t want everyone’s beliefs to apply to them. My thoughts spiral around revenge and retribution, two concepts I’ve really never considered before. And don’t get me started on the cost of the current administration to taxpayers and how much he and his cronies are profiting. Anyone who is surprised by this second term in office clearly wasn’t paying attention to the first. Or, they don’t care. That stress, that weight, is a lot, and therefore, with regards to my lack of connection with the writing community—I’m so introverted, I haven’t  missed that connection in the least. (Sometimes I can be honest to a fault.)

Which brings me around to this conclusion: even if I commit to writing out my thoughts a few times a week, it’s just as likely that this blog will stagnate before evaporating into the great beyond.

It is what it is, as they say. And as I always say, I’ll keep you posted.