Over the last five years, I’ve spent a lot of time with people with dementia. I’ve also spent a lot of time with family and friends of those living with dementia. Countless conversations have filtered to my ears, and the greatest lesson I’ve learned there is not to argue with someone who has dementia.

Now, I’m not big on arguing anyway, but in the case of someone with dementia, it doesn’t do any good at all. It frustrates you and them, and at the end of the day, what’s the point? Does it matter if Aunt Hildy didn’t really have fourteen children or work as CEO of the largest bank in North America? Does it really matter if you’re right and your loved one isn’t? No, it does not.

Instead of digging your heels in, insisting you’re right, and arguing for the afternoon, just change the subject! These days, that’s so easy because we have phones, and phones have pictures, and pictures can almost always distract your loved one just long enough for them to forget what they were saying. And if you don’t have any pictures, point to something interesting outside the window or talk about what you had for dinner the night before.

Your conversation will be much more agreeable, maybe even enjoyable, and really, isn’t that what you’re striving for?